James Smith’s Info Serv

By Matthew B. James

Many of us are looking to ancient or traditional teachings to guide us in today’s ever changing world. One topic that often comes up is that of forgiveness. On a Dr. Phil show I recently viewed while channel surfing, I saw a guest on the show telling Dr. Phil, “I’ll forgive him, but I’ll never forget.” And as she said it, she was clearly hanging on to negative emotions. Does that sound like true forgiveness to you?

Like all of us, I’ve experienced painful relationships or situations in my life that made me question whether I should forgive the other person or not. But one truth I learned from my lineage of Huna is that there is only one person that you hurt by holding onto feelings of unforgiveness — and that is you.

My kumu (teacher) explained to me that there were three types of “wrongs” in ancient times in Hawai`i. These three wrongs– hala, hewa and ino –were a part of the code of forgiveness practiced in many parts of the islands. Hala is to miss the path, or err by omission. Haven’t we all missed the path at some time or other? I have. Often it was crossing a boundary without understanding that I had done so, or neglecting to do something out of ignorance. The wrong called hewa is to go overboard or to do to in excess. I’ve certainly been guilty here as well, especially when I become passionate about a topic and express my enthusiasm without considering others. Ino, the third wrong, is to do harm intentionally to either self or others. Most of us would claim that we’ve never intentionally hurt another, but what about ourselves? Personally, I know that I’ve judged and criticized myself, saying cruel things to myself that I would never say to another.
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There are two ways to improve the good luck / bad luck ratio in your life. One is to take steps to do those things that lead to more good luck. The other is to stop doing the things that cause bad luck. This lesson is about the latter. It is an examination of the actions, habits and thinking of unlucky people, so that you can learn what to avoid.

Six Things That Cause Bad Luck

1. Blaming. Blaming others - even when it is justified - is one of the most de-motivating things you can do. It puts things outside of your control and so things tend to “happen” to you even more - and sometimes these are bad things. It is fine to acknowledge that someone shares some blame for a situation, but then follow that immediately by asking yourself, “What can I do differently next time?” Put the control back in your hands.

2. Making Excuses. Really just another type of blaming, this bad-luck habit is often more subtle. For example, a real estate agent says, “I can’t sell enough homes because I don’t have the contacts that others have.” This might be 100% accurate. The solution, though - developing more contacts - is then ignored, because the real reason to say this was to justify his unsuccessful habits. Saying, “I know I can sell more homes by meeting more people and making more contacts,” is certainly more likely to lead to good luck (success) than the first statement, right?

3. Waiting For Luck. This is perhaps one of the worst bad-luck habits. Work invites luck, not waiting. While one man waits for his “ship to come in,” others are building ships. Unlucky people just wait, and let things happen - for better and worse - and so miss out on the many opportunities that are out there waiting to be seized.
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Hi all

I do apologies for the lack of articles over the last week. We have been doing some major site upgrades and redesign which has subsequently caused a number of problems.

The team has been working on the issues and we will be back up in the next day or so with a steady stream of articles once more.

In the meantime, please take a listen to Morgan McKean’s podcasts. Morgan has graciously allowed me to use her podcasts on this site in order to bring you all a more multimedia experience. Her podcasts are life-changing and designed to empower you. They are highly recommended!

Kind regards
James Smith

by: William Frank Diedrich

Who am I being right now? Who was I being in that situation? These are questions I ask myself every day? I want to know. If I am interacting and the interaction feels uncomfortable–who am I being that this feels so bad? Over the years I have created many images of myself which I find myself defending, attacking, or portraying to others. In my book, The Road Home, I call these false views of self. The Arbinger Institute, authors of Leadership and Self Deception (a must read book), call these self justifying images.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where the other person became very impatient with me. I, then, became impatient with her impatience. I called attention to her impatience and made it clear I didn’t like it. The next day I asked myself: “Who was I being that the person talking to me became very impatient?” The answer came: “I’m the kind of person who deserves to be treated with respect”. This person wasn’t giving me what I deserved, so obviously she was out of line.

This is the kind of thinking that gets us into more conflict. A Course in Miracles says there are only two kinds of thinking–love and fear. In love, I am caring and responsive toward myself and others. I am able to see the good in the other person. In fear I feel threatened and resistant both toward myself and the other. I tend to add up the faults of the other person and, of course, affirm my virtues. I tell myself this other person is disrespectful, impatient, unappreciative of me, and doesn’t listen. I tell myself that I am respectful, communicating well, and would never treat her disrespectfully. This is how the image justifies itself. Does this sound a little silly? I hope so, because it is silly. It is also common, everyday, insane communications between people.
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Is there a better, free invention than the ‘to-do’ list? How many of you use to-do lists? If you’re organized and motivated enough to start (or even consider starting) a new business, I’ll bet you not only use to-do lists, but have one within arm’s length right now. Am I right?

My friend laughed at me the other day because I put “get gas” on my list. He asked, “Are you really going to forget that if you don’t write it down?” No, of course I won’t, but in that moment I was able to articulate why lists are so important to me. Whenever I feel unorganized or even overwhelmed, a to-do list helps me relax. I can see everything that needs to be accomplished, prioritize my time, and decide what can wait for another day. Then, one step at a time allows me to get the big items knocked out first.
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