James Smith’s Info Serv

Body language is a critical element in how one is perceived by others. It can affect job interviews, winning a client, or even making it to a second date. Our posture and gestures project a positive/negative energy that gives observers cues to how we may think or feel. Its how your friends know something is wrong without even asking. Because we are not often aware of our body language it’s easy to unintentionally send the wrong message.

I was recently lost in a new part of town. I saw a woman coming down the street, but I was hesitant to ask for her help as she looked very cross. With few people in sight, I had little choice but to approach her. When I spoke to her, the transformation was magical. Her slumped shoulders shifted, and with kind words and a smile she told me everything I needed to know. I left thinking to myself how I could have almost passed her by. The unfortunate thing is that many opportunities can pass us by because not everyone will stop to take a chance. You can’t run after your boss screaming “Please give me that promotion! My body language reflects negative energy, but I’m really a nice person!” Look at the examples below, which employee would you promote?

Employee #1 Making eye contact, relaxed unfolded arms

Employee #2 Avoiding eye contact, crossed arms

Quick Tips:

Before you walk through a doorway, pause and become aware of your body language. Are you slumping? Are you frowning? Your existence on this earth is not by accident. You have a right to be here, a right to be respected, and your posture should reflect this. When you walk your back should be straight, head up, and energy in your step. This simple motion will create a positive energy that’s contagious to those around you, as well as reflect inner confidence.

Author Lakeysha Green is a professional fashion stylist. You can read more of her free fashion & style tips and receive a free makeover sampler at http://www.beautybodystyle.com

Copyright 2006 © BeautyBodyStyle.com

Several years ago I was in a San Diego restaurant with my mother. While I paid the check, we both noticed an elderly woman waiting to be seated. As we left the restaurant, Mom asked, “Did you notice that woman with the wonderful smile?” I most certainly did. Her smile lit up the room. It was a smile to die for; one that would certainly win instant friends. It was a smile that you don’t often see in a stranger. And maybe Mom and I smiled back, I don’t remember. Mom later commented, “I wish I’d told her what a terrific smile she had.” But neither of us had. We’d both received a gift without saying thank-you.

 

Later, on my long drive home, I stopped at a fast-food restaurant for a quick bite. A 70ish woman waited by the condiment bar while her husband ordered. She glanced my way and smiled brightly. It was one of those smiles that broadcast, “I love life!”

 

I wasn’t going to let THIS opportunity pass.  I was going to say SOMETHING. As I approached this woman from 30 feet away, her smile melted into a rather startled look; as if asking, “Did I do something wrong?” I walked over to her and simply said, “You have a wonderful smile!” Wow, did her face light up! And she responded with an enthusiastic, “Thank You”. My comment probably made her day, but it also made MY day. We truly exchanged gifts that afternoon.

 

SMILES: INSTANT FACELIFTS

 

Life’s lessons have taught me this: a smile is the number one feature that makes people attractive. It’s a welcome mat. It’s what makes folks approachable. People with a great smiles radiate a warmth that draws others to them instantly.

 

Some people naturally have a great smile. Others, analytical types like me, must work at it. One way to tell if you’re in my category is to recall picking up your developed photos. As you flipped through the pictures, you didn’t like the way you looked in most of them. But then…you discovered that one great picture of yourself. In it, you look friendly, you’re smiling broadly and your eyes twinkle. Now THAT picture looks like you!

 

I hate to say it, but ALL the pictures look like you, even those you dislike. Unfortunately, those “bad” photos, where your face doesn’t look its best, portray how you often appear. In fact, you might normally look even worse, since you were TRYING to look good for the camera. Usually you’re not even making that effort, and may appear even less inviting than you do in “bad” photos. And if you’re like me, you assume you’re not particularly photogenic and that your smile needs work. When you’ve mastered your smile, you’ll consistently look better in photos. Most important, though, you’ll be more attractive and approachable every day.

 

When you’re having a good time, does your face show it? You might be surprised. Years ago I dropped into a comedy club in Montgomery, Alabama. I was sitting in the front row, where one is typically fair game to be picked on by the comedian. But being the non-expressive, serious Norwegian that I am, I wasn’t giving the comic the jovial feedback he needed. I was enjoying the show, but in a straight-faced manner. About halfway through the show, the comic interrupted his routine to ask me point-blank, “Are you having a good time?” I responded, “I’m having a great time.” His comeback: “Well then, tell your face!” I was enjoying the program, laughing inside, even studying the performer’s humor and technique. BUT…not giving him any outward indication.

 

In everyday life the same concept applies. You might be enjoying your job, but fail to show it. You may want to meet someone, yet not give them a single, friendly clue. You can even be IN LOVE with somebody, and totally hide it. Your face should express what you feel when you wish to connect with others.

 

SMILE AEROBICS FOR EMOTIONAL HEALTH

 

One way to become better at smiling is increasing your awareness. Take notice of those you find warm and inviting. Is it their smile? Make an effort to LOOK for great smiles. Notice the appeal of people who smile with their EYES, not just their mouth. The whole face gets involved. Consider these people your models. Study yourself in the mirror. How do you look in the rest room, when shopping, and while passing a reflective window? Do you look friendly? Approachable? Do you really LIKE the image you’re projecting?

 

In fact, a mirror is ideal for your smile workout. Practice various smiles toward capturing that perfect look for the camera. Work on expressing your smile with your eyes. A tip: cut a paper rectangle that permits you to see only your eyes in the mirror. Practice smiling just with your eyes. Get used to the feel of your cheekbones as they lift to brighten your eyes. When you see how a great smile LOOKS, remember how it FEELS. When you can finally project your best smile, hold it. Turn away from the mirror. How does your face feel? What muscles are you using? Make an effort to develop muscle memory, so you can instantly recreate this smile at will.

 

THE SMILING REMINDER

 

Sometimes it’s life’s little reminders that help us focus on making self-improvements. I set out to find a “smile” lapel pin as a permanent token of my smile’s importance. After a fruitless one-year search, I commissioned the design and production of smile pins. Now when I encounter a total stranger with a million-dollar smile (not an everyday occurrence), I share the compliment, “You have a wonderful smile…thanks for brightening my day! I’d like you to have my golden smile pin.” Then I might add, “And someday, when YOU see a total stranger with a fantastic smile, you can pass on the pin to them.”

 

This little reminder has conditioned me to search out life’s glowing smiles, and not to allow them to pass unnoticed. I always carry “golden smile” pins. And when I spot a show-stopper smile, I always express my appreciation.

 

Other strategic pluses:

 

1. The pin reminds me never to leave home half-dressed: without my smile. Even while I’m running routine errands, it keeps me focused on smiles as life’s true blessings.

 

2. By shaping my focus, the pin increases awareness of my public appearance and attitude. For example, when in a grocery line, I don’t want the checker to glance up and think, “Why in heaven’s name is this sourpuss wearing a smile pin?” It forces me to wear a friendly face all day.

 

3. The pin encourages me to compliment others. When I fail to say a kind word about someone’s beautiful smile, I feel guilty. Now, that’s what I call constructive guilt! We’ve often been conditioned to feel shame because we’ve not lived up to what others expect, but isn’t it more positive to suffer guilt for failing our OWN expectations?

 

You needn’t search for a smile pin to remind you. You can choose another object, like a clown pin, that will program you to focus on smile power. Or consider something that nobody else sees, like whimsical underwear. In fact, you may discover that the sheer strength of just your awareness can create positive life changes. With practice you can focus on life’s smiles; and create your own relaxed, naturally warm smile. And THEN when you get back a roll of photos, you’ll like almost all of them! That’s certainly been my pleasant experience. And when you encounter customers, strangers, or loved ones, you’ll always be ready to pass on your award-winning smile!

 

Humor specialist. Presentations on teambuilding, customer service, stress management. Director of an improv troupe and a comedy magician. BA, UC Berkeley. MBA, University of Missouri. More bio information at www.HumorPower.com.

It’s something most of us do often. We shake hands. We shake hands with long-time friends, with old acquaintances and with brand-new people. Shaking hands here and shaking hands there.

I took a class in college where they taught us how to shake hands. I remember thinking at the time – more than 20 years ago - that everyone should know how shakes hands effectively. Then, as I reflected, I realized that I had shaken more than a few hands that needed those lessons. I thought then, and agree now that my Dad taught me the basics and importance of good handshakes.

In much of the world, the handshake is a part of the first impression that we make. People think about first impressions from a grooming and dress standpoint, in business situations they practice what they might say, and they often read books to learn what kinds of questions to ask to remain authentic and create a positive first impression.

And while all of that is important, it is the handshake, often overlooked and forgotten, that is the first physical information others receive about us at the early part of a relationship.

In other words, handshakes matter.

And a strong one can make a big difference.

An American colleague who has now been living and teaching in Japan for some time must agree, because she emailed me and part of the email reads:

Next week is the beginning of the school year - and I really want to get my new students off to the best possible start. Would you be willing to share your thoughts on how to give a really great handshake? I have been away from the U.S. for so long, and have few opportunities to practice (though my bowing has gotten really good :))

Here are the secrets to great handshakes, assembled to respond to her earnest request.

1. Start with eye contact and a smile. A great handshake isn’t just about a physical gesture, it is about connecting with the other person. It is a physical greeting and you want to convey your pleasure in greeting the other person. The best way to do that is with your face and your eyes.

2. Go for the thumb. Keep your hand open and make sure your handshake will be a hand shake, not a finger or palm shake. This means getting the joint of your thumb (the lower joint - the tissue between your thumb to your forefinger) nestled into the joint of their thumb. This allows you to truly have a full handshake.

3. Firm, not strong. A good handshake is firm but not overpowering. It isn’t the precursor to a wrestling match, and it doesn’t feel like a dead fish. Do you wanted to be handed or greeted with a dead fish? I doubt it! Always make your grip firm, but make adjustments based on the firmness of the other person’s grip

4. Up and down, not back and forth. A good handshake has a nice up and down motion, not a back and forth one, as if you were jointly trying to saw some wood. Again, adjust the motion to what seems natural and comfortable to the other person.

5. Adjust duration. Some people prefer a long handshake, others prefer them much shorter. Observe the other person and adjust the duration to the situation, how well you know the person, and what seems comfortable to them.

6. Consider your left hand. While it may not be appropriate in some cultures, I often use my other hand to grasp the other side of the person’s hand or to touch their arm. This gesture makes the handshake warmer and more personal. When I am trying to convey those feelings I include my left hand as well. You might consider doing that too.

7. Close with eye contact and a smile. If the smile and eye contact hasn’t continued throughout the handshake, finish it out that way.

After re-reading and thinking about these secrets several times, I realized that the deeper key to handshakes (as with many things in life) is intention. Keep your focus on the other person, and you will naturally do many of the things on the list. You will make the handshake a natural part of your connection process. You will make eye contact. You will smile. You will connect. You naturally adjust your grip, etc. You will focus on the other person.

As a leader or a person responsible for interacting with Customers in any way, the value of this skill is obvious. The fact is though that having a great handshake is a life skill we should all cultivate. It matters to us in creating first impressions and in building relationships.

Thanks to my Dad for teaching me and thanks to Teresa for asking me the question.

About the Author:

Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company. To receive a free Special Report on leadership that includes resources, ideas, and advice go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/leadership.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.
Read more articles by: Kevin Eikenberry

When you examine body language, throughout history, the open palm has been associated with truth, honesty, allegiance and submission. Many oaths are still taken with the palm of the hand over the heart. Even footballers do this when singing the national anthems before international games.

You can notice this when exploring body language: The palm is held in the air when somebody is giving evidence in court of law. One of the most valuable clues to discovering whether someone is being honest and open or not, is to watch for palm displays. Humans generally use their palms to show submission or surrender or to show they are not a threat, they are unarmed and therefore are coming in peace.

Salespeople are often taught to watch for a customer’s exposed palms in their body language when they give reasons or objections why they can’t buy a product, because when someone is giving valid reasons, they usually show their palms. When people are being open in explaining their reasons they use their hands and flash their palms whereas someone who isn’t telling the truth is likely to give the same verbal responses but conceal their hands.

Thebody language of palms were originally like the vocal cords of body language because they did more ‘talking’ than any other body part and putting them away was like keeping one’s mouth shut!

It is possible to appear more open and credible by practising open palm gestures when communicating with others.

Interestingly, as the open palm gestures become habitual, the tendency to tell untruths diminishes. Most people find it difficult to lie with their palms exposed because of the law of cause and effect.

If a person is being open they’ll expose their palms, but just having their palms exposed makes it difficult for the person to tell a convincing lie. This is because gestures and emotions are directly linked to each other. If you feel defensive for example, you’re likely to cross your arms across your chest.

But if you simply cross your arms you may well begin to experience defensive feelings. And if you are talking with your palms exposed it puts even more pressure on the other person to be truthful too. In other words, open palms can help to suppress some of the false information others may tell and encourage them to be more open with you.

There are three main palm command gestures: The palm up position, the palm down position and the palm closed-finger pointed position.

Let’s say you asked someone to lift something and carry it to another location. We’ll assume that you use the same language and tonality and facial expressions in each example, and that you change only the position of your palm.

The palm facing up is used as a submissive, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the pleading gesture of a street beggar and, from an evolutionary perspective, shows the person holds no weapons. The person being asked to move the item will not feel threatened by your request. If you want someone to talk you can use the palm up as a “handover” gesture to let them know you expect them to talk and that you’re ready to listen.

The palm up gesture became modified over the centuries and gestures like the single palm raised in the air, the palm over the heart and many other variations developed.

When the palm is turned to face downwards, you project immediate authority. The other person will sense that you’ve given them an order to move the item and may begin to feel antagonistic towards you, depending on your relationship with them or the position you have in the work environment.

For example, if the other person was someone of equal status, they might resist a palm down request and would be more likely to comply if you’d used the palm up position. If the person is your subordinate, the palm-down gesture is seen as acceptable because you have the authority to use it.

The Nazi salute had the palm facing directly down and was the symbol of power and tyranny during the third Reich. If Adolf Hitler had used his salute in the palm up position not as many people would have taken him seriously - they may even have laughed! At least, I would have.

When couple walk hand-in-hand the dominant partner, walks slightly in front with his hand in the above position, palm facing backwards while the other one has their palm facing forward. This simple little position immediately reveals to an observer who wears the trousers in that relationship!

Aggressive, palm down beating gestures make your ideas, opinions and remarks more forceful as you speak, but they are decidedly unappealing to many, and especially in courtship or attraction. Like the sumo wrestlers foot stomp, palm down gestures are controlled subcortically by basal ganglia.

The basal ganglia are primeval motor centres embedded in our brain’s cerebral hemispheres that govern a reptilian display called the High Stand. Like when iguana’s push-up to seem “bigger” to rival males, our palm down gestures derive from the ancestral high stand display. Down turned palms are less attractive because they suggest power at the expense of friendliness.

In the 1950s, Elvis Presley gestured with upturned palms to draw women near. The palm down hand signals of today’s rap singers seem to say “get out of my face.”

The palm closed finger pointed is a fist where the finger is used like a symbolic club which the speaker figuratively beats the listeners into submission. Subconsciously, it evokes negative feelings in others because it precedes a right over-arm blow, a primal move most primates use in a physical attack.

The palm closed finger pointed gesture is one of the most annoying gestures anyone can use while speaking, particularly when it beats to the speaker’s words. In some countries such a Malaysia and the Philippines, finger pointing at a person is an insult and so the thumb is used to give direction.

Research has shown that speakers who use the finger pointed position are considered aggressive, belligerent and rude! The audience will often become pre-occupied with making personal judgements about you rather than listening to the content of what you are saying, and you don’t want that do you?

To avoid this, you can squeeze your fingers against your thumb to make an ok type of gesture and talk using this position, you’ll then come across authoritative but not aggressive. I have taught this gesture to groups of speakers, politicians and business leaders and audience reactions to those using the finger tip touch gesture were seen as thoughtful, goal-oriented and focused. Tony Blair always points and iterates his words with this gesture when speaking and when in interviews.

About the Author:

Adam is a best selling author, consultant and speaker please visit his website for a vast range of personal development resources and to receive your free, instantly downloadable hypnosis session and amazing ebook: http://www.adam-eason.com Thanks.
Read more articles by: Adam Eason

by: Andrew Mills

This article is all about reading body language. We have gather some helpful hints and tips about reading body language, so read this reading body language article as much as you want. If this article does not have all the reading body language information you need, then feel free to browse our other reading body language articles until you find exactly what you need.

Dedicate all of your attention to the person you are speaking with. Do not constantly look around as if you are uncomfortable or not interested.

Reading Hand Signals: People have been granted with two hands: the left and the right hand. The left has been dubbed as the “emotional hand since an imaginary line can be drawn from the third finger leading directly to the heart. This is why the wedding ring is placed on this finger. The right hand, literally on the other hand. has been named the “proper hand since it is with this hand that people communicate a blocking or stopping signal. Open Hands: Open hands may be demonstrated by showing the palm of ones hand, especially in a conversation or an argument.. This expresses a trust in other and an interest in their opinions. It also offers an opinion and invites the sharing of the other persons view. Covered Hands: This is expressed by raising the back of one or both hands against others. This indicates the setting up of barriers or the keeping of distance. It is an act of concealing feelings and covering insecurity. Clinging Hands: Those who cling to objects, such as handbags. files or tables. show a need for support. This action conveys confusion or insecurity. It expresses fear and difficulty in coping with the current situation. Twisted Hands ( crossing both hands then clasping the palms together) : Expression of a complex personality. It may indicate a difficult emotional life. The way the palms are held together conveys a need to hide something.

Body language works both ways, of course. So learn to read the signals prospects and clients are sending during interviews. Heres rundown of common types of body language and nonverbal communication, and what they can mean. I say can mean because there are not always hidden meanings behind every gesture. If a client rubs her forehead while you’re speaking, for example, she may just have an itch.

Crossed arms: There are a lot of different explanations of the meaning of crossed arms. When someone has crossed arms and he is shaking his head it means that he does not agree with you. But he can also cross his arms when he is frightened, then his arms give him some protection. Another option is that he is feeling cold and he is trying to hold his body-warmth with him. When someone is sitting in a chair with his arms crossed, it indicates that the person is relaxed.

Create your own personal space. Make sure you let others know you have your own personal space and do not let them walk all over you. Note: you never want to invade someone elses personal space.

Well these are just a some reading body language tips that you can try to use. These reading body language tips have been gathered from some of the best reading body language sources on the internet today and from some of the best authorities on the subject.