By Matthew B. James
Many of us are looking to ancient or traditional teachings to guide us in today’s ever changing world. One topic that often comes up is that of forgiveness. On a Dr. Phil show I recently viewed while channel surfing, I saw a guest on the show telling Dr. Phil, “I’ll forgive him, but I’ll never forget.” And as she said it, she was clearly hanging on to negative emotions. Does that sound like true forgiveness to you?
Like all of us, I’ve experienced painful relationships or situations in my life that made me question whether I should forgive the other person or not. But one truth I learned from my lineage of Huna is that there is only one person that you hurt by holding onto feelings of unforgiveness — and that is you.
My kumu (teacher) explained to me that there were three types of “wrongs” in ancient times in Hawai`i. These three wrongs– hala, hewa and ino –were a part of the code of forgiveness practiced in many parts of the islands. Hala is to miss the path, or err by omission. Haven’t we all missed the path at some time or other? I have. Often it was crossing a boundary without understanding that I had done so, or neglecting to do something out of ignorance. The wrong called hewa is to go overboard or to do to in excess. I’ve certainly been guilty here as well, especially when I become passionate about a topic and express my enthusiasm without considering others. Ino, the third wrong, is to do harm intentionally to either self or others. Most of us would claim that we’ve never intentionally hurt another, but what about ourselves? Personally, I know that I’ve judged and criticized myself, saying cruel things to myself that I would never say to another.
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