James Smith’s Info Serv

Author: Coach Sharon

When I was young, there was a girl who was a year younger and a foot taller than me. She bullied me for approximately two years. One day something inside of me snapped; I decided I wasn’t going to take her abuse any longer and stood up to her. Unfortunately, our confrontation ended in a fight, which I won. She never picked on me again. I learned at an early age that if you allow people to bully, harass, or cut you down, then they will do so. If, on the other hand, you make a decision to stand up for yourself and not allow the bully to take control, then s/he will move on to someone or something else.

Avoiding defending yourself and confronting others in difficult situations can have many origins. Your parents may have told you not to fight with other kids, you may not have had the self-confidence to confront someone’s bullying tactics, or you may have felt that you would lose in any kind of physical battle. If you never developed the self-esteem and self-confidence to defend yourself, you still may be allowing others to take advantage of or bully you.

If you are ready to battle and defeat the bullies in your life, there are four steps you can take to develop your self-esteem, ensuring that you meet all future battles with self-confidence and success.

1. Loving yourself. The first step is to learn how to love and appreciate yourself by itemizing and reminding yourself of your unique gifts, talents, attributes, and skills. Everyone has something to offer the world; you are no different. Also, understand that no one deserves to be abused, in any manner. We all deserve happiness and love, and a life free of abuse. Do things that make you feel good, and be around people who love you unconditionally.
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Author: aashish123

I came up with the title for this article with a children’s story in mind. I had just had a really yucky experience with a mean person who decided that I was to be their ‘target de jour’ and after recovering from the attack, thought, “How can we teach children to avoid mean people?” Then I thought that a simple but straightforward way to warn children about “meanies” would be to read them a story entitled, “Mean People Really Aren’t Nice To Be Around.” I extend an open invitation to any of you who might be inclined to write such a book and spread it around…I have a feeling that adults, as well as children could greatly benefit from reading it.

Unfortunately, I was taught to be “nice” at all costs (I’m guessing you can relate!) and have fallen victim to one-too-many a “meanie” (or “bully” as they’re fashionably called today) in my lifetime. But as I become older and wiser, I am proud to say that I am a victim of “meanies” no more. I have learned, through excruciating experiences, that the bumper sticker I see on so many Westfalias driving along the West Coast is indeed true: MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.

One of my most painful childhood memories dates back to the tender age of eleven when I was in grade six. As you can probably remember vividly, being a girl “tween” has got to be the worst initiation into becoming an adult known to womankind! In my grade six class, there were two “popular” girls I desperately wanted to be friends with. I would have lopped off an arm if it meant they would want me to hang around with them and be part of their little ‘clique’.

Unbeknownst to me, these mean girls had an evil plan to shred the very little bit of self-esteem I had to bits and rub my face in it. To make a long story more bearable-what ended up happening is that they each pretended to be my friend on a one-on-one basis (i.e., one would be my best friend for a week and loan me her favourite pair of designer jeans and tell me which boy in our class she wouldn’t mind playing ‘spin the bottle’ with) and then they’d switch off the next week and the other girl got to play “best friend” to me and make me feel like the most special girl in the whole wide world.
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Author: Lisa Mills

Being assertive does not mean you are learning to become aggressive, loud or a bully. It is all about helping you to stand up to people who are like this. It’s not a matter of trying to dominate others. It is a matter of resisting those who are out to dominate and manipulate you. It is all about resisting manipulation and being able to cope with criticism. So how do you exactly go about improving it?

The concept of being assertive is about seeing yourself as an equal who has certain rights. Also it involves respecting the fact that the people you deal with on a daily basis have the same rights as you do. So what exactly are these rights? They involve having the right to say no and the right to change your mind as well as the right to make mistakes. They involve having the right to express feeling and opinions as well as the right to disagree and put forward an alternative interpretation.

What many people don’t realise is that being assertive is not a personality trait; it is something that is learned. The behaviour of being assertive is our ability to state our wants and feelings openly as well as respecting the wants and feelings of those we are talking to, even if these wants and feeling differ from our own.

Assertiveness Training

The idea behind learning to be more assertive came around the time when women’s liberation was really starting to take off. It started originally in the US when women started to go on courses about it to learn how to be more confident in male dominated workplaces.
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Of all the words in the English language, you might be surprised that the first, most empowering word for me as a woman is two simple letters: No! Learning to say no was a huge step in overcoming my internal good girl and claiming my boundaries as an adult woman.

One lesson women typically have a difficult time with is establishing boundaries. As little girls, most of us were never taught how to say, No, This is what I want. Think, for example, how Meg Ryan’s character in the movie When Harry Met Sally was treated when she asked for her salad or her pie a la mode just so. If people love you, that sort of behavior is endearing or cute, so long as it doesn’t embarrass anyone or cause them pain or inconvenience. Everyone else finds it really annoying.

Heaven forbid if we take up too much room or interrupt someone. We’re taught to get out of the way, serve everyone before ourselves, and to be mindful of other people’s feelings. Furthermore, we’re taught to treat others the way we want to be treated and they’ll notice and return the favor. No muss. No fuss. No risk. Right? In a perfect world, that may be true. But who lives in a perfect world?
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Knowing when and how to say “no” is a constant battle for many people. This becomes especially difficult for business professionals who are looking to please and impress higher-ups. Almost from birth, the world has conditioned us to do what others ask without question for any number of reasons. We, too often, get pushed and pulled in all sorts of awkward directions that had not been on our intended agenda due to the inability to confidently speak that singular two-letter word.

Why do we allow ourselves to be ruled by people or things that make us uncomfortable? Does going the extra mile for that prospect result in cognitive dissonance in regards to your own morals? Is the undue stress caused by bending over backward for an overbearing manager worth the possible reward? What value does inviting such negativity into our lives really afford us?

Just say “NO”.
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