James Smith’s Info Serv

Author: Troyann Williams

There are many things in life that separate us and make us unique, however, over the years I have seen one consistent common denominator; our need to forgive. Regardless of our upbringing, our cultural similarities or differences, or any other circumstances of our lives, we have each held onto one or more hurt, pain, sadness or injustice.

On a regular basis I work with clients from all over the globe who have used their harbored hurts, pains, sadness, and memories of injustices as a secret hidden weapon for sabotaging their own success, their relationships, or both. These are good people who would not intentionally hurt anyone, but the harbored inner pain has a strong hold on them that they cannot totally control.

A few years ago I coached a woman, Tammy (not her real name), who had a very difficult childhood. Her mother left the family when Tammy was just 13 years old and because Tammy was the oldest female child, her father immediately became dependent upon her to take on all the duties and responsibilities of the absent mother. Tammy was a child so she did not know how, and did not want, to be the adult mother of the family, but she loved her siblings and knew they needed her, so she allowed herself to be pushed into the role of mother of the family.
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Author: Ana Holub

On our forgiveness path, we examine many aspects of our emotional life. For instance, what is the difference between sympathy and empathy, and how do they fit into a life dedicated to generosity and healing?

We are often taught that sympathy is the same thing as love. “Oh, you poor thing!” equals “I really care about you!” My mother taught me that from the time I was about 4 years old. Agreeing that sympathy is love became the normal way that we interacted with each other. This kind of expression is true in many families. We learn early that showing concern is a way to form a connection with the people we love.

Yet when we have sympathy for someone, it’s not respectful of who and what s/he is. We might be giving caring action or words, yet we think that people in general are victims of their circumstances. In order to receive sympathy, therefore, there must be something terribly wrong with them and the situation.

Caring actions and words are always welcome and appropriate, but what worldview do we hold when we give them? If we relegate others (and ourselves) into victims of an uncaring world, then our words and actions don’t have a healing effect - in fact, quite the opposite. These thoughts create a distortion and an imbalance. Sympathy actually lowers the energetic vibration of our interaction together, because it is based on falsehood instead of truth. There isn’t much room for real love to enter.

With sympathy, there is no respect for our inner divinity, which everyone shares. Instead, there is a belief that our outer circumstance is, in fact, reality. That’s a mistake. The spiritual text A Course in Miracles states, “I am not a victim of the world I see.” (WB 48)
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