James Smith’s Info Serv

Author: Dr. Robert Puff

Lesson # 1 Acknowledge that the simple, pure emotions of anger and sadness that children express are at the root of more complicated adult feelings.

When children are traumatized, they heal from it naturally as long as there is a safe environment to do so. Many children experience a wide range of traumas like sexual abuse, death of a loved one, divorce, moving to a new neighborhood, or being teased at daycare. As surprising as it may be, I have observed that there are only two emotions which children express to help themselves heal. These two emotions are ANGER and SADNESS. In affirmation of the wisdom of this natural choice by my young clients, I have noted a similar pattern among my adult clients. Those who make the most progress are those who get in touch with these primary emotions of sadness and anger.

Lesson # 2 Express your feelings. Don’t repress them.

As adults we develop defenses such as depression, anxiety, phobias, worry, stress-induced illnesses, and a myriad of other non-healing ways of trying to cope with emotional pain. In contrast to children, some adults never cry or display anger. Most adults take repression too far. While doing Anger Work, both children and adults learn to express their anger in safe environments. The following case of Shawn and Jaime are good examples of how children use their sadness and anger to heal themselves. (Please note that names and details have been changed to protect the confidentiality of my clients).
Read the rest of this entry »

Author: Susan Wilner, cWC, LMHC

Most of you have varying levels of comfort with your more powerful negative feelings such as anger. In many families children are discouraged or even punished for expressing anger so it is not surprising that as adults you have the habit of driving your angry feelings underground. In fact you expend a lot of energy denying you have them at all. However, when you do so, it tends to provide only temporary relief. Generally the anger you bury has a way of eventually coming out and often with a vengeance. And yet expressing anger in impulsive unconscious ways usually gets you into considerable trouble with those whom you care for the most. Chances are your most satisfying relationships rely heavily on your ability to monitor your emotions and make healthy choices in expressing anger.

What are angry feelings? They can be imagined as waves that wash over you. You cannot control which feelings may arise moment to moment but you can learn to make conscious choices about how you react to them. At the crest of a wave of anger you most likely feel you will remain in your angry state forever. You are the anger! But this is an illusion and it can be helpful to remind yourself that it will pass. Meanwhile what can you do?
Read the rest of this entry »

Author: Pat Campbell

What do you do when someone is angry with you and yells at you? Most people react with anger of their own or by defending themselves. Both reactions are wrong! It is true that the angry person is afraid of something, because anger is a mask for fear, but that is their lesson and not yours! Your lesson is to work out why you are having the feelings that you are having. You are reacting because of those feelings and not because of the other person’s antagonism. This person was sent into your life to teach you something and your part in the drama is to work out what you have to learn from it.

Do you get angry in return? Why? What hidden fears do you have? Do you feel sad? If so, what sadness do you have buried that you have avoided dealing with? Do you feel that you have to defend yourself? Why? Because there is a sense of insecurity within you that you haven’t dealt with.

For many people, they react because they can’t handle the concept that there is someone who doesn’t like them. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you, no matter how kind and compassionate you are. That is just a fact of life and you have to accept it and in fact what other people think of you is none of your business. You have no idea what their life is about. You may bear a physical resemblance to someone who has greatly wronged them; you can’t help that. There are many possible scenarios.
Read the rest of this entry »

Author: Michelle Green

Anger affects our body in a lot of ways. Feelings of anger come out when we feel stressed, betrayed, or hurt. Anger causes the body to become tense and twists our stomach in knots. When we feel this way, the world seems to tumble around us and we feel as if our best friend has died. Aloneness creeps in and we often feel like the world is an illusion and everyone is out of his or her wits.

There are times we want to scurry and hide and there are times we just want to find the source that caused our sting and bash them to a bloody pulp. We realize we cannot do this since it is prohibited and it does not benefit our tribulations. Rather when we blow up and dislocate our frustrations on someone else. When this occurs, we are only adding heartache to heartache.

Sometimes we all fail to see that there is a rational solution to our problems, and when we burn our last bridge, and nothing is left, who do we turn to then? How do we find our way out?

If you believe there is nothing left in the universe for you and that, you have run out of answers to the many questions don’t worry you are not the only one. One helpful way to look at your position is to identify that someone else is suffering more than you are.
Read the rest of this entry »

Things said and done in anger can be prevented. Find out how with these 5 tips from Crystal from BeHappy4Life.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download